I wish my boxers were made out of more stretchable material

ibleachednirvana:

The best

ibleachednirvana:

The best

officialunitedstates:

tinyvampire:

officialunitedstates:

I like ordering the most expensive thing on the menu but refusing to eat it.  It’s okay, though, because it’s a metaphor.  The metaphor is I’m incredibly wasteful and extremely wealthy.

OMFG HE’S DYING OF CANCER LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS WITH HIS DAMN CIGARETTES

what are you talking about.  im trying to brag about how ridiculously rich i am

stagmachine:

watch this irish man get tragically crushed by adorable sneezing baby seals

officialunitedstates:

if you look closely, the word gullible is hidden somewhere in this sentence

mcaxenart:

TBFP Souls F’arts 

*pops collar* stick with me kid, and you’ll be the coolest mother fucker in town

all the cool kids pop their collars

peachems:

Jakuzure

and a small bonus

peachems:

Jakuzure

and a small bonus